great expectations

i put salt in my coffee this morning. not intentionally, of course, but i dropped a heaping spoonful in there, nonetheless. the gods were with me when i realized this misstep BEFORE taking a sip. can you imagine? the funny thing is, i never put sugar in my coffee, but this morning, for whatever reason, i did. well, i tried. i also did laundry. and washed the dishes. and cooked chicken. and made a salad. i checked my bank account while filling in all the details for my flight to salvador, and suddenly i realized, "the cost of the ticket is more than i have..."

so the story goes, i've been in rio for 7 weeks, awaiting the fateful day when i would finally board that plane for my personal neverland, salvador, only to find that i don't have the means to do it. or, so it seems. i'm quite a resourceful person. i believe in miracles. and i also believe in following the path that presents itself. i've spent my day in a beautiful apartment in santa tereza, indulging in the modern day miracles like free internet, a flushing toilet, fresh food and a washing machine (god's gift to me, i think....), i practiced yoga overlooking three favelas and corcovado, and i discovered a magic link between some of my biggest passions.

here i am, in rio de janeiro, brazil. i came here to volunteer with an amazing organization called 'cinema nosso' that grew out of the favelas of rio and fosters young, brazilian filmmakers and artists of the future. the idea was that i'd be working in a favela, offering support to cinema nosso's programs in whatever way i could. well, that program doesn't exist anymore... so then an acquaintance told me about another program i could work with, but that never really panned out either. so i waited. at the pousada, around lapa, mostly at the beach. i met someone, learned to make love in portuguese, watched my abada collect dust in my suitcase, wrote in my journal. at least three days a week, i found my yoga mat. usually before someone made a caipirinha...

i'm at a crossroads. at this point, i could ask for money to go to salvador and worry about money there, or i could take advantage of some money-making possibilities here, in rio. i could also go home. i could sit in front of my computer, reading about all the ways in which other people are changing the world and making a difference, or i could attempt to create something of my own. i could stay with saulo in rio and make his wish come true, or i could make MY wish come true and travel throughout brazil and south america... i could go to that dance class tonight, or i could get a drink with a friend. i could say, 'yes,' or i could say, 'no.' i could worry about the way my life is going to turn out, or i could live my life moment to moment. i could make a choice, and then i could change my mind. i could let go. i could be happy no matter what happens; even waking up to a mouthful of salty coffee.