But I'm asking you to find out what it's like to dispense with judgments like that. In fact, try living without any scapegoats whatsoever. If even for an hour per week, visualize the possibility that those with whom you disagree might be sincere and well meaning.
I'm not suggesting this exercise merely because it's a nice thing to do. It will also have the effect of giving you access to parts of your own intelligence that have been closed off to you."
searching for inspiration today, i sit down at my roommate's computer, open up my treasured "Free Will Astrology" reading for the week, and what do i find? a gem of a fortune. not my horoscope, but a "Sacred Advertisement" for my sign. this man seems to know all. was he reading my thoughts all morning? and was it really the stars that aligned to create a day full of judgment and disappointment in another?
why is that we- i'm sorry- why do I put so much pressure on people to be perfect? why am i so critical? well, i have done some research into myself, and because i believe in taking responsibility for our lives, as well as cosmic truths, i use astrology to gain some insights into my tendencies.....for better or for worse....
my sun sign is capricorn- ambitious and practical, likely to have an excellent sense of social responsibility. great. read on: "you put yourself under enormous pressure to perform, and can feel personally responsible for those around you. you may have suffered from a restrictive early environment, and your aloofness may serve to protect you from dealing with a fear of intimacy, or low self-esteem. you exemplify the values of hard work and accomplishment, and service to the goals of humanity, and your redemption comes when you allow the spiritual joy that you feel inside to fully express itself in graceful acts of loving-kindness."
*often unable to reconcile the "i shoulds" with the "i wants," i turn my confusion onto others. "you should, because i can't!" and sometimes just, "i suck." yet, somewhere inside there's a *SPARK* of love and compassion and grace that i would really like to put forth more often...especially in situations like yesterday....(details aren't important...let's just say my expectations weren't met and i got a little huffy...)
the sign of capricorn is ruled by the dark, paternal planet of saturn. great. daddy issues: "saturn is the planet of limitation and contraction, and the trials of life experience. this includes discipline, punctuality, and the conservation of material resources. it indicates areas where the personality will be restricted by fears and lack of confidence."
*ironically, my father was never the disciplinarian, but here's how i've learned to behave under saturn: i HATE to be late for things. ANYTHING. and if you tell me you'll 'be there later,' i want you to give me an exact time. please. it really stresses me out. and if you tell me that you'll be there and have to cancel, i get mad. or really sad. i make mistakes. often. and tend to dwell on how to redeem myself. oh, and i revert to being 5 years old if you take my food. serious big brother trauma. don't i sound like fun?!
LUCKILY, capricorn is also an earth sign, so there's some balance to all that hard-nosed, know-it-all energy: "the earth element is feminine or yin, in-taking and receptive. it corresponds to the jungian typology of sensation. earth people are in touch with their bodies and the pleasures of the physical world around them. they are givers of form and structure. they endure."
*so, basically, i like to tell people what to do, and i like it when people touch me. i really like it... and i'm a giver. who loves food and drink. so, you know, i can be fun OCCASIONALLY.
how about chinese astrology, in which i am the poster puppy for the sign of the dog, "who symbolizes character traits such as loyalty, compatibility and kindness. dogs frequently offer kind words and useful advice, always listening and lending a shoulder when necessary. dogs often become deeply involved in others’ lives. ensuring others are happy is more important to the dog than wealth, money or success."
*i'll be there for you whenever you need me. i'll even scratch your belly. just bring me a treat!
"dogs at times can also be temperamental, narrow-minded and stubborn. dogs can benefit by learning to relax and being more rational."
*hah. maybe he really isn't a jerk.....interesting....
ok, so maybe i overreacted. perhaps i could offer a more graceful solution to the situation (again, details aren't important, because the FACT of the matter is that i tend to be overly critical AND sensitive...lucky him...) i don't know that i can fully let go of my resentment and violent wishes for the workmen upstairs (SERIOUSLY?! WHY do you need to THROW everything?! isn't there a way to hammer quietly???) but now i can acknowledge that my thoughts are futile, if not a little childish. (no, stacey, construction can't be done quietly just because you don't want to be disturbed. these men are actually WORKING. you're sitting on facebook....no one's out to ruin your day.) at the end of the day, and as much as i hate to admit it, deep down inside i'm just a wet little puppy dog lookin' for someone to love...
and to conclude, i'll share what i think is by far the most meaningful reading of all these traditions- of all the ways to read the stars- here's what the cosmos had to say today:
Thursday, February 4, 2010 (Waning 7th Phase; Libra/Svati ~ “She Who is Independent and Free”)
"In the days of Rama (the epic hero and godman of the Ramayana), no one believed that a mere monkey could defeat a powerful demon. And yet, one by the name of Hanuman did.
In the days of the ancient Israelites, no one believed that David could defeat Goliath. And yet, he did.
And in the days of Middle Earth, no one believed that a humble hobbit could rescue the world from darkness. And yet, he did."
so why do you think you’re so helpless?
gather your courage. surrender your pride and insecurities. you have absolutely nothing to lose. take a momentous leap of faith.*word.